Being Oneself
— Unique or like a Role Model we look up to
As thoughts wander and sometimes (often to be honest 😆 ) contradict each other, I was pondering upon the idea of being unique individuals.
As kids,we were always asked: Who do you look up to? Who do you wanna be when you grow up? And I feel most us had a better clue then,as 6 year olds than we have now in our 20s. Another concept propagated was of how each one of us is unique,how we are one of a kind and and we should appreciate that about us. Now aren't these two things opposite of each other? We want to be like someone else when we grow up and also exclusive. Following is my take on this self created contradiction.
When I was told that I was “unique” , I believed it. The fact made me feel like a special person altogether without having done anything in life. It’s like an entitlement to greatness , waiting for the world to realise how great a person I am 😸. But I realised that the concept of uniqueness is so flawed. For starters, we are told to follow certain rules , so that you can “fit in the society”, be a part of something acceptable, and the moment you feel different or want to question the rules, you’re not seen as sui generis you were promised , you are seen as an outlaw, like “How could you not be thinking about the ‘right’ thing in a ‘right’ way?”
As humans , we are told that we can either accept what the society wants us to be , or damn we dare to ask questions, whys and hows and be thought of as a rule breaker. What we do not realise is that all the role models we looked upto were rule breakers,they agreed to disagree. The questions we ask are the ones that will make us “us” and that is why it is so necessary to question things…
There is a sense of comfort for me in asking “why” —
Why do I need to need to behave like don't know the song being played across the street when all I wish to do is sing my heart out and dance to it, just because no one else does it.
Why do I need to pretend that I do not acknowledge the beggar on the street ,when I’m so aware of a soul standing beside me just like myself, looking at me with eyes full of hope, just because everyone pretends to ignore.
Why do I need to put on makeup for an evening out with friends when all I want to have is a good meal and time and not any validation from strangers, just because most of the people feel the pressure to be an acceptable piece of hypothetical standards for others and are not doing it for themselves.
Why do I need to care so little about the forest fires,just because no one else around me talks about it, when the thought of them burning down actually haunts me and the entire humanity.
Why do I need to be a person who doesn’t cry or laugh at small moments or in a place full of strangers , when emotions are the only way we can distinguish us from robots and stones.
Why do I need to say, I’m not afraid of the jump or uncertainties , when actually I can hear my heart pounding in my ears, just because it is uncool or not brave enough.
Why do I have to be someone who is impeccable for others but not for myself??
There is a privilege I feel in being able to question myself, to ask why I do what I do. The answers might not always be there, but having these thoughts itself makes me feel “unique in my own way ”. I want to imbibe all that is good around me and hence, be like different people in different aspects of life.
It is said that every soul you cross paths with changes you and the other person, sometimes in ways we don’t even realise. I think, being something of everyone we meet and look up to makes us the unique person we’ve been told we are, just like a customizable meal with endless options to add and remove, where each end result is different and unique, although the ingredients are not. Some want the exact same dish as the others are having,but we can only try to replicate it, or even better, come up with our own “unique” versions .
— Swati Kumari 💜
